Torn

I am so torn about going back to work.  IK is still so little.  She will be two in June.  But I will have been out of the workforce exactly five years at the end of April.  I should just stick with my plan to do some consulting, especially because IK is scheduled to go to preschool in the fall  two days a week.  Or should I wait until she is three?  This is so hard.  Two days a week is not that much time away from her, but still, it's time away that I will never have back with her. 

She is at the cutest stage where she is learning to talk.  Every day she says a new word. yesterday's word was  "Nati."  She says it so clearly now.  She also is a bilingual baby so she can understand and speak both languages.  Will I be able to continue that when she starts school?  I don't see why not, right?  I can still speak to her in Spanish only like I have been doing.  And her school is a very nice one.  It is a Waldorf-oriented.  They have a beautiful garden where the children spend most of their time.  They grow their own herbs and use them in the bread they bake.  They water the plants themselves.  Most kids who attend do not watch TV at home. Lunches need to be healthy.  No one is allowed to wear clothes with TV or cartoon characters on it.  No one yells at the children.  They call them by ringing a bell or by singing. The best part is that the school celebrates all the holidays it seems so they get an early introduction to different cultures.  

N and D are not too excited about me going back to work.  Will we have a nice sitter they ask? Will we have to stay late at school with Dad every day?  Who is going to help us with our homework?  Who is going to take us to after school activities?  Will we still be able to have play dates after school?  Who is going to make us dinner? 

I am sure David and I can figure our routines and schedules.  We've done it before.  Not with three children but with two.  Maybe I am just scared of starting the actual process.  I am not sure what I am scared of: missing out on my kids' life?  taking a job I might not enjoy?  not being able to be involved as much in my children's education?  

I don't know.

But I need to figure this out soon!  

TTYL.