A Day of Rest

I have been sick since Saturday.  I caught a cold from my 9-year-old and it turned into the flu but at this time of year, I have really bad allergies so it's hard to tell what I really have.  For two days I laid on the couch sniffling, body aching, and head throbbing.  I was finally able to sit up last night without my head pounding.  Today, I feel better, but still not 100%.

I think I got sick because I am running around doing too much stuff.  Friday was crazy.  I had a breakfast with friends; then I ran off to school to decorate for RIF; then we had a bake sale.  I didn't get home until 6:30pm and then David and I had a date.  We went to a concert.  That concert did me in.  They had a smoke machine and we somehow ended up standing right in front of it.  With my allergies, my eyes quickly reacted and started getting puffy and I started coughing. We also had to drink a coke that night to be able to stay up.  I never drink caffeine so I am super sensitive to it.  That night I didn't fall asleep until 2a.m. and then woke up at 9 to go to school to finish decorating for RIF.  I finished RIF at 5:30 came home and had dinner at a friend's house.  That night my head started pounding and it was all downhill from there.

I like how the kids and David pamper me when I am sick. They made me fresh-squeezed orange juice, fed me breakfast in bed, and kept coming in all day with little snacks for me. My favorite was the warm chocolate chip cookie with a glass of milk. Too bad I couldn't taste it because of my cold.  I thought I would take one day to recuperate, but I ended up napping most of yesterday. Poor Isabella had to play by herself on the bed while I napped. She did great. It's as if she knew that mommy was not feeling well and she should leave me alone.  

I am finally starting to feel well again and I am thinking about going in to school to help with the third grade fundraiser.  Part of me really wants to be there, but the other part of me thinks I should just stay home and let my body completely recover before I immerse myself in activity again.

It's nice to have a day that doesn't involve schedules or expectations, but I sure miss the bustle and hustle of my daily life.  I think I'll give myself one more day and tomorrow I'll jump right back in...

TTYL

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

When I was little my parents and my grandmother asked me all the time, "What are you going to be when  you grow up?"  I'm sure the answers kept changing as I got older.  I don't recall all the responses, but I do remember that at one point in my life, I wanted, more than anything, to be an astronaut.  That was my dream until I discovered that you needed 20/20 vision -- that automatically ruled me out.  My goal then changed from wanting to be an astronaut to being anaerospace engineer.  By golly, if I couldn't fly in the shuttle, I was going to design the durn thing!

And so off I went to Stanford with that goal in mind.  I took several engineering classes and decided that maybe what I really wanted to be was a mechanical engineer.  At the beginning of my sophomore year, I searched for summer internships that would enable me to use my mechanical engineering skills.  I landed an internship with Exxon.  I thought I was going to love it.  I hated it. It was a fun assignment, but the actual engineering part of it was boring.  That same year I had  taken the class  "An Introduction to Computer Science" and had fallen in love with it. I was fascinated by the proofs and logic required to master the subject. Once again my goal changed.  Now I wanted to be a computer scientist.  I loved all my classes on this subject so I graduated from Stanford as a computer scientist.

I worked as a computer scientist for a few years and decided that although I enjoyed what I was doing, it was missing something.  It took me a while to figure out what that something was, but then I realized that it is important for me to work at something that was helping to change the world and working for Exxon in their systems department was not moving me in that direction.  

So I applied to the Kennedy School to become a policy analyst. Upon graduation, I worked for the state in a strategic planning capacity in their information technology division.  I thought I had found my calling and then...I had kids.

As I mentioned in my previous posts, having kids rocks your world to the core.  I decided I wanted to focus on my kids for the next few years and I did and I loved it, but there is still a part of me that feels I should be doing something to help change the world. IK is going to start preschool in the fall.  I will have no baby to care for at home then.  What am I going to do all day? Clean the house? Uh, no.

So here I am.  Wondering myself what I am going to be when I grow up?  I am having a hard time deciding.  It would be so easy (I think) to go back to do what I was doing before I decided to stay at home, but I remember how seemingly incompatible that job was with being a mother. Do I want to go through that again?  I don't know.  Maybe if I get a sitter things might not be so crazy.  My goal in life is not to become a millionaire so that opens up my options.  Do I want to teach?  Do I want to work for a non-profit?  A friend suggested working in the Texas House for a few months just to get that experience under my belt.  It is a very demanding job and the pay is not really there, but it would definitely be good experience.

How does one decide what's the best course of action????  I feel like I should make a chart and list all the things I am looking for in a job and see how these different options compare.  Maybe that's a good way. Maybe I should just apply to jobs in every area and see what happens? Maybe I'm being too cocky thinking I'm going to get any job I want because that's always been the case in the past.  

Maybe I'll sleep on it...

TTYL.

We're Gonna Be Ok

What a wonderful day yesterday turned out to be! N summed it up in her kindergarten journal:

"Today is a great day because it is Daniel's birthday and it is the first day that Barack Obama is President!"

The children said they watched the entire inaugural program at school.  After the inauguration, Daniel's class wrote essays about why they thought Barack Obama had been elected President. Daniel said people like Obama because he is going to lower taxes and help the poor, and lower gasoline prices.  :)   I love it.

We watched reruns of the inauguration on the news last night and Isabella danced and clapped when we all cheered.  It was so cute to watch her so happy because we were all so happy.  

Was anyone else worried when Barack and Michelle were walking on the parade route?  I sure was glad when they got back in the car.  

Now I'm sitting here pondering his powerful words.  Some people wonder how he is going to achieve all those promises, and truth be told, I wonder that myself.  But people with hope have moved mountains and people have hope now.  We want to believe.  So what's the first mountain?  For him, it's this whole auto industry bailout.  It's a tough one, but if he comes out with flying colors from that, the momentum will be there so we can turn our attention to healthcare reform and then on to the next thing...

So no, maybe he won't be able to accomplish everything he's talking about, but he has given us a powerful vision of the future and as long as we are headed that way, we are gonna be ok.

TTYL. 

Remembering Martin Luther King, Jr.

Every third Monday in January, our family listens to the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr's. speech. After the speech, we drive down to the Capitol to walk down 11th street to Huston-Tillotson University with thousands of other Austinities.  Every year, people sing, chant, carry signs, and have a good time just walking together knowing that we are all their for the same purpose - to honor this man that gave us his dream.   This year was no exception.  

The speech is always moving.  Dr. King was a powerful orator.  I think a lot about him when I listen to Obama speak, one of the best orators today.  There is something about the way they deliver their speeches that speaks to my soul.  It's as if they are talking just to me and I need to listen.  We don't make the children sit and listen, but as the speech echoes through the house, I'm sure they can hear his thunderous voice and his magical words.  We're hoping those words are embedding deep into their consciousness and that they too will work towards helping all people achieve Dr. King's dream.

At the march, this year, there were thousands of people wearing Obama shirts and Obama signs.  My favorite was one carried by a child.  It said, "My grandpa walked with Martin Luther King in 1963."  It is a great feeling to walk beside other people who believe in this great man. It is especially moving to see older African-Americans who can barely walk being pushed on wheelchairs or walking on canes.  They believe in the dream.

Today part of that dream becomes reality -- Barack Obama will be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States; the only African-American to be president in our country's history.  Why I wonder did it take almost 50 years for Dr. King's dream to come to fruition? We still have so much work to do when it comes to bringing minorities' standard of living up to par with the white standard of living in this country.  How can we say the dream is achieved when more than 30% of all African-American children live in poverty?  Or when 12% of all African-American children do not live with either parent?  For many years, we have ignored this group.

My dream and hope is that with Obama in the White House, these issues will come to the forefront and become a priority for our country finally fulfilling Dr. King's dream.  Yes, we can!!!!! 

TTYL.

Why I Chose to Stay Home

I had a wonderful conversation with a friend this weekend.  She is considering having children, but has had an amazing career and is currently in an amazing job.  She is not ready to give up the career, but she is really feeling the urge to have children right now.  She asked me how I was able to give up my job and stay home with the kids.  

I have been answering that question for a long time.  Friends who have careers, and sometimes babies, want to know how I can stay home.  Don't you miss your job?  How can it be rewarding to hang out with your baby all day?  Aren't you bored?  Why did you "waste" your time at Stanford and Harvard if you "knew" you wanted to stay home when you had kids?  Friends who have babies, and usually are at home already ask,"Why did it take you so long to quit?"  How could you leave your baby in the care of someone other than family?  Don't you know nobody loves your baby more than you, your husband, and possibly the grandparents (therefore, nobody can take care of them as well as you do)?  How can you trust total strangers to care for your infant?

Choosing to stay home for me was a very difficult decision to make in some ways and not so difficult in others.  I grew up with a mom and dad who both worked full-time. My grandmother who lived at home with us took care of us.  She was the one feeding us breakfast every morning. She was the one there when we got home from school. She was the one who made dinner.  It was awesome. I, in essence, had the best of both worlds. My mother set the example that women can have a job and a family.  For her it was not a choice, she had to work to help support all six of her kids.  But I also had the security of having my sweet grandmother at home catering to my every need.

When I graduated from college, I "knew" that I didn't want to have children.  My view of children was that they are cute, but too much work and they derail careers, especially for women.  I had professional and personal goals I wanted to accomplish and didn't think I could achieve them if I had children.  I was pretty set in my ways.  I was never going to have children. Enter David.

It is amazing how falling in love changes your perspective on many things, especially the desire to have children of your own.  David and I met; we fell in love; we married; we went to grad school.  I couldn't imagine not having children with this man that I adore more and more each day.  My clock started ticking. I felt I was already 30 and should be, at least, thinking about having babies soon.  My mom was getting worried that I was getting too old to have babies at all.  (Of course, this is coming from a woman who had her first baby -- me! -- when she was 21). In 9 years, I went from no kids for me, thanks to I need to have a baby NOW!

I was actually pregnant when I interviewed for jobs and got several job offers.  Before I accepted the job offer I wanted, I did mention to my then-boss that I was expecting a baby; that I would take, at most, six weeks off to have the baby (that's what my mother did - but she had my grandma at home!) and then I would be right back at work.  He said, "No problem. We're glad to have you on board."  Boy, was I naive.

I worked six months and didn't stop working until my due date.  (D was born 10 days late.) Once that little baby was born, I immediately fell totally and completely in love with it.  I wanted to hold him all day.  After a few weeks at home, I called my boss and asked him for four months off instead of 1 1/2.  He was so nice about it.  He was older and had grown children, but said he remembered the days of wanting to hold your baby non-stop.  Once again, he said, "No problem."

So I stayed home for four months nursing my baby, taking him for walks, holding him, playing with him and just plain loving him.  By the time the four month mark came along, neither David and I were ready to put him in daycare full time so we had him going to a local daycare three days a week and David stayed home with him the other two.  It was such a great way for them to bond.

 

Finding good daycare in Boston was very difficult.  We had thought about getting a nanny, but our pediatrician talked us out of it.  She said unless it's a family member, you never know what the person does with that baby all day.  There is no one at home to watch over her.  She can act like the nicest person in the world in front of you, but you don't know what she could do to your baby if she's having a bad day.  She suggested a group daycare where you have several experienced women taking care of babies.  They can take breaks and have lunch on their own and be refreshed when they come back to take care of your baby.  Besides, good group daycare in Boston costs almost as much, if not more, than having a full-time nanny.  That was enough for me.

The daycare we really wanted was in the building where I worked, but they didn't have an opening for Daniel until he was 8 months old even though we had put him on the wait list the minute I started working.  They had an infant room with 4 adults and 7 babies.  While we waited for that daycare, we signed up for a daycare near our house that had a similar ratio, and a very sweet lady running.  I loved her the minute I saw her, but I really wanted to be close to Daniel during the day so I could go visit him and nurse him.

I have that very first drop-off at daycare day engraved in my brain. I remember every minute detail -- what he was wearing, what I was wearing, how my heart was so heavy with guilt, how it took me half an hour to hand him over to the nice lady who was going to take care of him.  I remember crying all the way to work and my sweet boss letting me tell him about it for a whole hour and then letting me leave early that day so I could pick up the baby early. After that, we decided David would do drop-off and I would pick up.  That was much easier, but I still felt guilty.  I kept asking myself why did I have a baby so that other people can raise him while I'm at work?  It seemed so unfair to him. 

Finally, we got a spot in the daycare in my building and it was awesome.  Now D got to ride in to work with me and I got to visit him during the day and during my lunch hour.  I could go and nurse him any time.  It was great, but I still always felt that I wanted to spend more time with him than evenings and weekends.  We lived with that arrangement for 2 years.

When I got pregnant with N, I had a different boss, but just as nice.  He was younger and had three kids at home so he was very understanding.  I asked to go on a part-time schedule four days a week and he was ok with that.  That was pretty manageable and increased the weekend time I spent with D by 50 percent!  

When N was born, I stayed home six months with her.  Then, I went back to work 3 days a week.  That was not working for me.  I was a program manager so I had to check email every day and communicate with my boss every day even on the days I was home.  I could get away with only checking email a couple times a day when I was at work four days, but when I went down to 3 days, it was hard to stay on top of things, but I didn't want to lose responsibility at work so when N was 7 months, I went back to 4 days a week.  I think I could've kept that schedule up. Both kids were in the same, good day care.  I loved the teachers.  David was president of the daycare board.  Life was good, but I still wanted more times with the kids. I kept thinking to myself that they are only this little once and I'm missing it.  It really hit home, when the daycare called me one day to tell me that N had just started pulling herself up. Luckily, I was in the building so I could run down to see it, but still felt that David and I should be the first ones to see that!

It was around that time, that David started thinking about jobs in Texas.  We were lucky that he got a job quickly so two months later we knew were moving to Texas.  Cost of living is a lot less expensive in Texas and our house in Boston had doubled in price since we had bought it five years before.  That was my chance to stay home!  

I was so scared though.  I had always worked and been independent. What would staying home do to my self-image?  I didn't want to be one of those bored, depressed stay-at-home moms you read about sometimes. What would staying home do to my career?  I had 13 years of professional experience under my belt.  I was excelling professionally.  Would I ever be able to get back to where I was professionally?  I read so many books about making that choice.  A few that finally convinced me: Mitten Strings for God; Surrendering to Motherhood; and  I don't know how she does it.  I also talked to a lot of women.

To me, it finally came down to being there to actually see my kids grow up and passing on my values to them from the very beginning.  I cannot get these years back, but I can always get a job back later.  So I did it.

At first, I thought I would do it for only a year.  To my surprise, I found that I loved it and still do.  I love the mundane things we do day to day.  I love playing with them.  I love taking them to the park, going for walks.  I love being able to pick them up after school.  I love just being with them.  

It's now been five years and by the time I go back to work, IK  will be almost 2 1/2 years old.  I will always remember these years with joy.  Not to say that it's all joy.  Like everything, we have good days, and we have bad days, but I am here with them to love them and guide them during these formative years.   For me, that's what it's about.  

Amazing Moms

I am supposed to be waiting for David to put the baby down so we can watch a movie, but I am afraid he fell asleep, too.  Poor guy. He gets up so early to exercise and get ready for work.  I don't blame him for being so tired.  I, on the other hand, made the mistake of drinking real coffee this morning, instead of decaf.  Big mistake.  I have not been drinking as much caffeine lately so I am incredibly sensitive to it.  That's why I am up right now.  It's almost midnight and I should be sleeping like everyone else in this household, but no.  Here I am. 

Today was the first bake sale of the semester at David's school.  I work with a group of ladies to get it going.  It is so much fun!  There is this one lady, E, who has 10 children and she's only 37. She is an amazing worker.  She is also one smart lady.  Today, after the bake sale, we were counting the money. Usually the ladies want me to count it first and then they count it and write down the amounts.  I had all these quarters lined up in rows and I asked E to count them. She looked at the stack for less than a second and said,  "There's 31 quarters.  That's $7.75." How the heck did she do that so fast?  I mean it was instantaneous!  This is a person who has NEVER gone to school.  NEVER EVER. Is that not amazing? I mean it was like a Rain Man thing.  It was awesome.

Then last month, I helped get a group of ladies together to be the set up crew for our first-ever Scholastic book fair.  Our job was to set up the library like a bookstore.  I started them off by asking them to wrap boxes in colorful butcher paper.  Then I asked them to arrange the tables in a nice pattern and put colorful tablecloths on them.  At that point we were ready to start arranging the books for the sale. The ladies kept putting them in large stacks and I would have to come over and ask them to rearrange them "so they look attractive to the customer."  I said to them, "You know, like you see in a bookstore.  Pretend the library is going to be a bookstore for the next few days.  How would you arrange the books so they will sell?" They seem stumped.  I couldn't believe it.  These ladies are smart.  What's was going on here?

Finally, they asked me to set up a table so they could see what I was talking about.  I placed two wrapped boxes on the table that had already been covered with a table cloth.  I put the sign that described the books on a pedestal between the two boxes and arranged the books attractively around the bottom of the boxes and then I put a few books standing up on the actual boxes. The ladies were all oohing and aahing about how good it looked.  Then they went off and arranged their own tables.  The place looked phenomenal after we were done. 

At that point, we all had time to actually look at the books.  The ladies were especially interested in the Spanish books. They also enjoyed all the cookbooks.  They couldn't believe there were so many kinds of books. Finally, one tells me:  "You know, you kept asking us to arrange the books like at a bookstore but none of us have ever been to a bookstore.  We were just too embarrassed to tell you."  Wow. And these were the same ladies that had just given up six hours of their lives to set up this book fair.  I was so moved by that.  They want to do what it takes to help their own children succeed academically and they are doing it.  I just love that.  I love that my kids go to that school.  I love that their kids go to that school.  I love those ladies.

TTYL...

Thinking about What's Next

I am still recovering from our erratic sleep patterns over the holidays.  We went to bed late and we woke up late.  Some days we'd go to bed late and we'd wake up early because the kid were already up.  Last night I stayed up late watching David Letterman.  The man is a genius.  No question about it.  I fell asleep on the couch and woke up at 4:30 a.m. with my glasses still on. Ouch.  My nose was hurting.  Tonight I am going out with friends and plan to be home no later than 10pm so I can get back into schedule.

I want to wake up early every day and help David get the kids ready for school.  He manages quite well without me, but I like seeing them off in the morning.  I make their lunches and their breakfast.  They want breakfast tacos EVERY day.  In order to do that I have to get up by 5:30 a.m. as they are ready to go by 6.  I know I need at least 8 hours of sleep at night so I really should be going to bed by 9:30pm, but that sounds SO early!

I also want to start planning to have no errands to run at least two days out of the week. Mondays I usually reserve for getting the house back in order. It usually works out well. I would like Thursdays to be desk days -- the day I set aside for writing thank you cards, letters, clipping coupons, planning menus, and anything else that requires sitting at a desk.  

I also want to do more activities with Isabella.  She is currently enrolled in Little Gym. She loves it, but the stuff they do is so basic anyone can do it. Is it better to go to the park and bring along bubbles, a couple of balls, and hula hoop? I think I might just skip that class next semester. It would save us a lot of money. I want to take her to Bilingual Happy Hour at the library. I want to take her to the park more. I want to take her to museums. I want to go hiking with her; take her strawberry-picking; and do all the stuff I used to do with Daniel when he was my only one at home.  It seems I don't do those things with her during the day because I am always running around volunteering at school or doing something for the other kids and I feel she's getting short-changed. 

I also need to start sketching out my plan for getting back to work by the fall.  Part of me wants to teach, but part of me wants to go back to what I was doing before (government IT manager). I have been out of the workforce for almost five years.  I need to start researching the latest trends in government IT.  I need to narrow down what state and city agencies I might consider working for.  I need to look up alums at those places that I can set up informational interviews with. The list goes on.  I must write it down and lay out a plan or the next few months are going to fly by and I am going to be stuck doing it during my last summer at home with the kids.

I love sunny mornings!  They are so invigorating!  Gotta go get started on my todo list for today...

TTYL.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!  

We had such a wonderful time on our two holiday weeks together.   We did end up having a holiday party at which we celebrated David's birthday.  It was fun to put together the menu for it. I had really wanted to have a traditional Posada, but didn't get around to planning it on time.  

At the party, we had traditional food that you would normally find at a Posada.  I made menudo, a spicy soup made from cow's intestine.  It sounds gross, but if you can get past the intestine part, it's actually very good.  I also made Mexican rice, borracho beans, shrimp ceviche, and ponche, a traditional hot, spiced fruit punch served at Posadas in Mexico.  David made home-made eggnogg.  It was SO good!!!! We bought the tamales, the bunuelos, and the ojarascas. Ojarascas are delicious cookies made with lard, plus sugar and cinnamon.  They are not the healthiest fare in the world, but they literally melt in your mouth.  The only thing I forgot to make was the salsa for the tamales, but we survived without it.  Oh, I almost forgot to mention the best part: I made tres leches cake and it turned out pretty good.  It could've been a little bit more moist, but it was delicious anyway. We also had a pinata for the kids.  We enjoyed ourselves very much.

We left for Brownsville two days later and spent almost a whole week there visiting family and eating -- tacos, more tamales, spicy Mexican turkey, fajitas, you name it.  It was all so good and I'm sure it's all going to show up around my hips soon.  :)  We had planned to go to Mexico after our stay in Brownsville, but I changed my mind --too chicken to drive to Veracruz without an autopista (toll road).  We have travelled to Mexico in the past, but always on an autopista.  It's safer.  I was also afraid that our vacation would end up being too hectic and no one would get a chance to relax.  We came back home instead about a week ago and spent the whole time just enjoying being together.  We took long walks; we read; we cooked together; we played; and we fixed up a few things around the house.  

We typically have a party on New Year's at our house, but this year we decided to keep it low-key.  We met up with some friends for the parade downtown on New Year's Eve and came home to cook up steaks and burgers for our New Year's Eve dinner.  By the time, we put the kids to bed it was late.  Our neighbors came over to celebrate New Year's right around midnight.  We drank champagne with them, watched the New York ball drop on TV,  and talked for a while.  It was a nice way to spend the last night of the year.

Now, David is back at work and it is the kids' last day of vacation. They are off to school tomorrow and it will be back to just IK and me and our daily routines.  I am so thankful for the time we spent together. That time will serve as part of the glue that helps keep us together once our hectic lives resume tomorrow...

TTYL.